"Farkle Snart"

"UMM, CINDY!! Can you come here for a second, sugar plum?" Ughh. The thought of that being said is simply sending chills down my back as I type. First off my name is Sydney, not Cindy. Also, I am not your "sugar plum." I'm Sydney, that is about all.

 For the past week, for eight to nine hours a day I have been locked in an 8ft by 10ft vault with this so called "human." Let me start off by explaining this character. First off she has a voice like Fran off of "The Nanny," she laughs at herself to the point I think chocolate milk from her breakfast 8 hours ago is about to bust through her nose, and she has hair that looked like she got confused picking out the shade of red that she wanted so she bought a box of purple and a box of orange and got creative with it. I'm all about unique, but this women takes it to a whole new level. Additionally, she knows EVERYTHING, or at least she thinks that she does and everyone that she knows is highly important, making her a "VIP." Oh, but WAIT! We have not even gotten to the best part of this lady. Whoever taught her english was beyond crazy. In fact, whoever it was makes bat shit crazy look sane. They are more like taking bath salts eat your face off crazy. Which makes her a spitting image. She uses vocabulary that I think you would have to be doped up on some serious drugs to understand. That is, if you can get past the random shouting of "Oh, Guacamole!" I think that guacamole went from my favorite food to down right disgusting for how much she uses it. On the topic of disgusting she makes these little comments about her sex life, or the lack there of. She is 60 years old and just burried her 4th husband. I could really do without that picture in my head. Today she was talking politics and I wasn't really responding. I seriously know nothing about what is going on in this world aside from what pertains directly to that moment of my life, and I don't feel as if I am educated enough on the subject to properly form an opinion. However, I will respect yours. She was all talking Biden this, Biden that when she brought up that he was in New Mexico pretty close to Lubbock. In order to avoid future discussions on that topic (or so I thought), I just said cool that way she could continue her one sided conversation with herself. Little did I know, this recently widdowed woman is in love with Biden. Not like the typical girly love crap where girls just drool over the guy, like the crazy stalkerish love. She may be on her way to New Mexico now to find out his exact location and rape his brains out. Anyway, she informed me that Biden makes her "giggly in the tiggly, if you know what I mean" and then winked. First off, I don't know what you mean, as I don't know waht a "tiggly" is. He is like 400 years older than me and I could do without an old sugar daddy. After pondering what she really meant, it was 100% a sexual comment toward Biden and she wants him bad. Oh, it gets better. As she was completing her work, something messed up. Working with money you are guaranteed to have mistakes, and a lot of them. You just take them as they come and deal with them. Nope, not this quack job. She gets her panties all in a wad and goes ape shit. If I ever here the expression "Oh! Farkle Snart!" again, I am going to laugh in the woman's face. Just say "oh shit" instead of "Crusted over crutons, we have a situation here", I promise that will actually get your point across.

Regaurdless how annoyed I get at this creature, I am learning to enjoy that I get to spend everyday with her. I have started a book of her outlandish quotes and I think that I am on my way to getting free counseling through work, as everyone who works in my office is going to need it. However, if I start using "Guacamole!" as an expression, I'm going to need my own office.